A Sailor’s Life

Having sailed for the most part of this year, not shooting much of anything has been one of my biggest dissapointments. A meagre smattering of shooting during the deployments I’ve been on this year has seen a disastrous loss in terms of shooting standards and discipline. The number of misses began to grossly outweigh the number of misses even when shooting with the 5d for the first deployment and subsequently, but more forgivably so, in the case of the Ixus I borrowed from Deb. I hope I’ll be able to revive this blog somewhat, since it’s mainly been dead since the new year, and that will have to mean more shooting, which I really hope I can squeeze in before I leave for the final deployment to the middle east this year.

I’ll be posting some shots from the Taiwan deployment from the Ixus, where we did indeed have some serious fun on shore, though I didn’t make photos of each day of shore leave as some days we were just too tired out from the daily workload. The photos from the Middy deployment will come from the DSLR, but I have yet to upload them due to some issues with the data, which is still onboard my ship at the moment. If you are from SAF’s ISD and are reading this, be assured there are no photos of work, nor do I talk about it. You may peruse the entire post in detail if you wish.

For the Taiwan photos, there were basically no standards that I set for myself, since I didn’t go out of my way to make good photos, so it wasn’t surprising that nothing really came out decently. Coupled with the fact that I had never really used a PnS exclusively before, I didn’t expect much. Nevertheless, I think the Ixus performed rather outstandingly for such a light package and is definitely more than enough for general consumers and people who want to travel light. While picture quality is hardly comparable(this is clearly evident once the image is opened on a monitor) to what I’m used to, the benefits in terms of weight and portability led to an enjoyable shooting experience that was targeted at preserving memories rather than technical detail and composition. Admittedly, though many of the photos you’re about to see are fraught with grievious technical error, I did enjoy making many of them. You will also see another rare subject in the photos; me!

Well, down to my “holiday snaps”. It’s a disgrace to a photoblog, but I had fun!

#1 – Enroute to Taiwan, off-watch and in the cramped cabin. James and I forced the sleeping Young to awaken for a photo.

#2 – We typically organise many events out at sea, as part of ship cohesion. Here’s a formal birthday celebration that goes on monthly. Followed by some dishes from the inter-mess cooking competition

Presenting the Dishes

BBQ Squid

Mock Prawn Kebab (Compulsory Vegetarian Entree)

#3 – And a less formal one that goes on when we feel like it. See above, 2nd from right as a cross reference to below.

#4 and #5 – Sometimes, out at sea, unexpected oddities happen. Here, an freshly released test pigeon alights on our bridge wing during first dog watch about 100nm (185.2km) off the nearest land, weak from hunger and nursing a bad case of diahorrea. The bridge watch tries to offer it some water and biscuits from a “ta pao” box. It stays on the bridge wing as a mini pet of sorts for the next 2 days, partaking of chocolate khong guan biscuits and desalinated water before taking off. Ungrateful smut.

#6 – It’s always great to enter port after sailing for awhile, especially in the beautiful morning light.

There really wasn’t that much to see on shore, with everything basically being shopping or lup sup ktv. I just potted a couple of streets, but most ended up being photos of us.

#7 – Central Park. Supposedly some famous korean drama scene was filmed here.

#8 – An alley full of cafes, unfortunately none of them were good.

#9 – Amongst the 1001 scooter accessory shops in the area, I couldn’t help taking a photo of this bear, which was just placed neatly at the corner of a bench. Was a child crying somewhere because of Mommy’s carelessness?

Ok basically, now we come to snapshots of my group of buddies.

#10 – (From left) KM, Young, Me and JJ outside Meng Shi Dai(Dream Mall)

#11 – (from left) Young, JJ, James and Me at the city square

#12 – Crazy Bikini Night at Dreams, a local club. Unfortunately, I was on duty. Bother.

#13 – My group outside Dreams. Desolate after seeing “Closed on Monday” and realising it was unfortunately, Monday. We ended up just sitting outside and having a picnic with ice cream pancakes and bubble tea.

#14 – An ice cream pancake (NT$25/SGD$1.20)

#15 – Us at Dream Land(how creative), the amusement park above Dream mall.

#16 – Kicking back at Dream Land

#17 – Well, actually, once the massage chair started going, I was suffering more than anything really. Here’s me screaming. Hey, It pinches your spine and neck, ok?

#18 – Having a fag with the other smokers. Young might be asleep.

#19 – Liu He Ye Shi(Six river night street) has tons of local food like whole fried octopus tentacles(Yes they are really one and a half feet long) and pig’s blood cakes.

#20 – We finally settled on a store serving Kway Chap style food as Young was basically allergic to seafood and JJ can’t eat beef, leaving us with not much in the way of choice really. Fortunately, it was pretty decent, and seriously cheap at about NT$80 or SGD$4 each for a really full meal.

#21 – Our non-chinese-speaking filipino waiter.

Ok, he’s actually my buddy Russell, but he don’t speak no Mandarin.

Surprise, at Christmas no less!

I don’t know what it is about the Christmas period, but it really lifted the dismal air that’s been floating around my head for the entire year. I don’t know if it was the friends(yes, most probably the friends) or the days off (helped a bit, but yes it was the friends), but this entire last two weeks of the year were simply fabulous. I enjoyed every minute that I spent with everyone; it really really made me happy and thankful to have all my friends around me at a time like Christmas.

To tell the truth, it was simply way way beyond my expectations. I had expected something a lot more quiet, maybe meeting up with JC on weekends, but it was just party after party, followed by lovely afternoons spent meeting up with old friends over coffee, shopping and delightful chatter, which I really miss because in the SAF, most chatter isn’t exactly my cup of tea. It’s mostly just boorish annoyance that seems to diminish one intellectually, and probably emotionally as well. God, I can’t wait to leave the place.

Today was actually a surprise off for me that came probably as a result of my L getting a little tipsy and offering us ratings a day off in exchange for keeping him company for a few drinks here and there in last night’s ship DnD. I actually had a great deal more fun last night as compared to the Ops dinner that I previously attended, although Shawn also got entertainingly drunk last night, albeit not as smashed as during the Ops dinner. His date must have helped him cling on to some semblance of sanity, which was thankful since I didn’t need to be terribly embarassed on his behalf. I was grateful for Deb’s company as well for it felt superb to have someone pleasant to talk to amidst the rowdy crowd at the ship’s DnD. I wonder sometimes if I’m just not built for fun, but then I realise that maybe such a crass brand of fun isn’t exactly what I would call enjoyment. Sometimes Shawn chides me for being so bloody stuck-up, but can I really be blamed? Some of the crew, despite being nearly thirty, are so bloody childish and uncouth that it’s a real pain to keep their company.

Having spent the whole day finishing a marathon session of a season of Claymore and finally topping that off with Love Actually, which I’ve always wanted to watch but never got round to, I actually feel great about starting the new year. I feel great about going for MSTD, which I’m really glad my ship is hosting because JC will coincidentally be sailing with this batch.  I feel great about going for XST, even though that means next to no sleep and consequently more than a pack of smokes a day, because all of a sudden, a revelation that there are people on this earth who I do care about, lots, and some of them do care lots about me too. Rather abruptly, I might add, it feels like there are things to live for, things to plan and dream about. Things to want, that I actually might get! Somehow, through a magical period of about 2 weeks, all of this happened. I’m not sure how exactly all of this happened, but I sure ain’t gonna complain.

Truth be told, things will probably get tough again when all the work starts afresh tomorrow, but taking things one step at a time, and thinking of all the people I hold dear; it gives me that little bit extra of strength to carry on and sprint, not just trudge, through the difficult period ahead.

I’ve done a lot of silly, foolish and mindless things this year. I’ve fucked up my voice from smoking; I realised my vocal range has been reduced by an entire scale while attempting to sing carols. I’ve ruined one of my most treasured relationships because of my selfish need for more than friendship. I’ve been constantly failing motorbike lessons due to improper concentration. The list goes on, and on, like one of those scenes where a scroll is unrolled and the paper coalesces in an unsightly pile on the floor. That being said, the new year is here, and I hope, I really do, to enter 2009 with a lot less regrets than when I entered 2008.

Having just watched Love Actually, i can’t not talk at least a little bit about it cos it’s really a fantastic movie to watch during a festive period. I marvelled at the portrayal of how messy, confusing, annoying, complex, hurtful, sad and shitty love is, and also how wonderfully sweet, heart-warming, funny and tremendously fulfilling it is. I don’t know how much of that is bollocks and how much of it holds truth, but I know one thing for certain, I definitely hope that I will be able to find love someday. As in, really fall in love with someone who’s fallen in love with you too. Maybe have a movie-type ending, if only just for awhile. My silliness so far in the last couple of years have either caused me to wind up hurting another or finally in a twist of dire retribution perhaps, caused me to end up being denied reciprocation of my feelings by her. Yes, her who I have always secretly loved, and in 2007 come to a full awareness of it. Having then decided to act on it, I was promptly and very accurately shot down in mid-flight of fantasy; one where she would have said yes and we would have married, settled down, had a bunch of kids and I would be willing to stay in this country which I so despise, just to be with her.

I still love her of course, but I would never say so again if I could just have her friendship back at least, which was painful in a way because I could never cross that line, but also treasured because even as a friend, she remained wonderful in every way.  Her unfortunate awareness of my feelings cost me that, but I wonder, would it have been better not to have expressed my heartfelt thoughts; to shut them tightly in a locked oak box, never to be opened again. It’s still a question I grapple with, but now, as the new year comes, a small glimmer of hope that not she, but perhaps someone, someone that I’ve yet to meet, or have already met but have not understood, will fill that gap in my heart that I originally reserved for her. I do not know that this will be true, but at least hope will carry me, until it is snuffed out by circumstances I hope will never come.

Happy New Year, dearest friends who happen to read my blog. A toast to the start of new beginnings, or the continuation of good things that have begun, you may grab the bottle of <insert appropriate drink here> now. Lets drink to that.

Selegie Walkabout

Took a walkaround with Corrie today to let her have a taste of street photography in the field. Did a little shooting myself and realised I still love this, even though it was just a little bit of shooting and the results weren’t much, I do still love shooting. Thank you Corrie for the meaningful afternoon, I’ll make sure to organise another shoot where hopefully you and Cho can both come along.

#1 – Lady

#2 – Facing the Light

#3 – Cathedral

#4 – Angel’s Last Stand – Although this image is technically a mistake, in the mistake I found that the image became something else that I like. Personally, I find that the mistake works, albeit in a different sense from what I had originally intended.

That’s all. I’m selective about what I show, what can I say?

Untitled

It’s been a long, long time since I thought about anything and did any self-reflection. It’s been 8 months since I consciously changed my lifestyle and left church and somehow, though I hate to admit it, I feel that somehow I don’t know myself anymore. Everything I remember I was glad was part of my personality seems mired somewhere, hidden in a place where I cannot reach. Many days, I think it over and I’m sure beyond a doubt that I have changed to the point where I cannot even recognise myself anymore. Anything and everything that brought me joy and passion I no longer live for, but now I live for nothing at all, if that even makes sense.

I don’t even know why I returned to this relatively dead blog to write again after so long but perhaps because I suddenly felt this urgent, undeniable need to log down what I am feeling and thinking at this point of time on a lonely Sunday evening, while my parents are currently in Tel Aviv, sending back emails of how wonderful the place is in connecting with biblical roots.

I constantly feel at a loss, finding no joy in anything and everything I do, being desensitized to everything that goes on around me. It’s as if I was blind, deaf, mute and had lost my sense of touch and taste all at once, except for the fact that I still receive inputs from these senses, just that they don’t register as anything in my head. I’m thinking now if I somehow did this to myself; is this complete disconnection from God? Is it just that I gave up on loving everything and everyone in my life; have I just ignored all of that in favour of pursuing the greener grass on the other side of the fence?

Living for myself doesn’t seem so good after all because it comes to a point where it’s lonely living on your own little island. I haven’t smiled in ages, and I can’t remember the last time when I did; has it been that long? I don’t feel motivated to do anything. I haven’t made any photographs in ages, nor do I feel the desire to anymore. SAF food tastes the same as my favourite foods I used to love, but I eat them all the same. I still make photos for the ship, but I don’t feel the joy of making good ones anymore and my standards have certainly dropped. They lack my soul, which I used to give to every single photo I decided to make. Now they’re just empty, colourful data on pieces of plastic.

To reconnect with my old self perhaps? Is that why I’m writing this entry now, instead of having another cigarette? Having increased my rate of smoking to half a pack a day, I will without a doubt find it difficult to stop if I try. There are too many lifestyle changes and thoughts whirling around in my head to go back to where I was before.

But in truth, I miss my old self, I miss the old Tim terribly. So much so that I’m tearing now as I sift through the old memories like long forgotten photographs. I remember I was happy in the past, though I cannot really remember why. Was it the friends? Was it God? I don’t really remember that part. The source doesn’t seem as clear to me as the memories of the result.

I don’t enjoy talking with my crew members about visiting some Lup Sup bar in Pattaya. It’s just not me. I’d rather be sitting down over coffee bitching about the latest fashions but in recent times, I’ve suddenly become rather short in the friends department and most times, I have little other choice but to pretend to laugh and smile about topics I really have no interest in. I remember it didn’t always use to be this way. Is this NS? Or has it more to do with the way I’m living my life today. I’m just groping at straws.

The thought of going back to church crossed my mind today but it doesn’t seem as simple as that. Plus, in my current state, I probably won’t fit in properly anymore, though I’m sure if any Frankelites happen to read this page they would beg to differ. No one is in my shoes but me, and it’s difficult to decide something like that is ok without actually wearing those shoes.

I’d still like to wear my old pair though, just that they don’t seem to be on the shoe rack anymore. The urgency to find them is dire, because I’m sinking; these shoes feel so heavy, so so heavy. Is there a way to find them because I’m lost and weak and don’t know the way to get to where I need to be. Help, if anyone still reads this, help. Thank you.

Punggol’s Fields of Gold

On Deb’s recommendation, we headed down to this place, which is pretty near where I did the Punggol beach series some time back. The place is actually quite like the Marina South place I wanted to shoot initially, and so it was pretty satisfying as a shooting location. I didn’t produce all that good of a crop of shots, but there were some decent ones in the bunch. I’m considering using the area for a future portrait shoot too, assuming I can get a model who is fine with mosquitoes of course.

The 5pm light lit the area beautifully and I tried to capture the gold tint of the lalang as best as I could, with the results as follows below, heh.

In order of my preference

Fields of Gold

Dog’s Evening Walk

Layering

Lalang

Tree

Blocks

Overgrowth

Anyways, with my OJT period on ship being on now, it’s gonna be pretty tough to shoot often, but I will when I can(and also when I’m not too tired from the murderous schedule on board ship at the moment; I sleep 3 hours a day!). I do need to rest on weekends to recover after all. I’m on Endurance btw, if any of you wants to know.

Oh and before I go, here’s a friendly wild dog we found at the Punggol fields.

My Celluloid memories of IMOS

Having brought in the camera for the IMOS(Institute of Maritime Operations and Systems) “project”(see previous post) last week, I also took the opportunity to make some images of daily camp life in IMOS since I pass out next week and won’t be back there again. Having spent the last 6 months there, IMOS holds quite a number of memories for me, from my pre-pre-JRC days, to pre-JRC, to JRC and finally the JTQT phase, of which I will be rounding off next week as my time in IMOS comes to a head and I get posted onboard to start the final OJT(On Job Training) phase which will close off my life as a trainee and lead me into the life of a posted crew aboard the ship.

IMOS was always more of a school to me rather than a military base and the general air permeating the place seems almost academic at times, where you see more No.3 uniforms as opposed to the No.4 ones that flood almost every other military installation. People walk around with laptops or sit in air-conditioned classrooms attending lectures and break times seem almost like recess, in a way. There are exams to sit for and with those come the customary fellows who insist on burning the midnight oil to study for them, keeping the lights on, hunched over their training manual, when most others have tucked in for the night. I appreciate that atmosphere lots as one of my greatest fears when enlisting was actually losing some level of IQ, but the constant stimulation of the brain that the Navy requires of it’s trainees has kept me somewhat sharp, and grateful.

Though the pictures you are now about to see is not a tremendously accurate representation of my total life in IMOS; it is simply a slice of the lighter side of life there, since these were taken during a period when we were simply waiting for the course to end, having completed all the required modules way ahead of time, they do represent some of my memories from there, which I hope to share =).

Days are usually spent sitting in the classroom, where some do study

(Above) Shawn helps Ching Ching, one of the biggest but nicest worrywarts I have ever met, with some ROR[see below] issues)

(Below) Shawn’s notes for the Rule of the Road (Ship “Driving Theory”) examination

and have fun in the process

when you turn your attention to the background…

you realise most others aren’t doing the same. This is Jonathan, one of our beloved corporals and leading hand for that week. As the leading hand, he’s supposed to be a guiding light for the rest of us and is supposed to be in charge of organising the whole Navigation and Detection Training Centre, only when he’s not sleeping in the cabin during lessons of course.

This is Theeban, our other beloved corporal. If you’re wondering why they’re corporals, let’s see, they um… signed on.

This is Marcus. During lesson time. ‘Nuff said.  He ought to be promoted to corporal too.

This is Shawn, a talented artist. He’s a design graduate and is one of the more like minded people I’ve met in Navy. We share similar views abouts lots of things, but also differing views on some. He’ll be on the same ship as me. He also designed my tattoo, btw.

Apart from lessons, we also spend lots of time eating and growing fat at the mess. I’m now a tubby 62kg, from one too many a fried chicken wing.

We also do weekly safety briefs, which are basically 5 minutes of bullshit apiece that we do for the sake of fulfilling SAF requirements. Here’s Ching Ching doing one. I think his handwriting is somewhat worse than mine.

Since all our modules ended, we spend most days just chilling out in class

where some opt to take a snooze

ok, more than some

while others entertain themselves with all manner of gadgets

(below)Jun Hui and Shawn on the Ipods

Another Shawn on the PSP

And Jia Hao on the Nintendo DS

Most days are spent as such and there is little time for sports or exercise, other than the daily 1 hour dog watch(period where we’re supposed to exercise but is not compulsory for IPPT passes) or the occasional IPPT.

When these IPPTs do occur it’s an exciting time for the failures, because passing IPPT means having extra privileges, such as liberty(night’s out) on wednesdays and not having to go for daily RT(remedial training). Those of us that have cleared the hurdle try to cheer and help out where we can.

while the participants try their very best by warming up adequately

and then giving it their all

And when it’s finally over

Some make it and are relieved.

But others don’t and simply have to keep training for the day they can make it.  Nevertheless that concludes my short photo exposition. Hope that it didn’t bore you too much. Do come back next weekend as I’ll be going on a little photo expedition, courtesy of Deb, to a not often visited place in Marina, where I hope to produce some great stuff. Will most definitely get it up by the weekend unless something awry happens. Ciao.

Base Pass

Ok so the pass I got was kinda just temporary; for a week, in order to help IMOS shoot some rather inane abstracts, yes abstracts, for reasons unknown to us. Such is the life of a small fry, where we operate on a need to know basis and the stuff we need to know is basically limited to almost nothing at all. If the person beside you decided to fart, you would be expected to bear with the smell unless you absolutely needed to know because you were allergic to methane. Anyhow, I used it to shoot some pictures of my classmates; I call them classmates because IMOS is much closer to a school than to a military camp, base or whatnot. I won’t be posting those till later though because as you can imagine, it’s real hell to be processing a week’s worth of photos in a night. I’ll be posting some of the results from the abstract project, so you can see what the SAF does with government funds; lovely ain’t it =) No classified info though, so would-be terrorists may bugger off at this point. I did make a photo of IMOS at sunset below. Not great cos I didn’t have my filters and stuff, but ya, I tried ok?

IMOS Sunset

Links

Bare Bones

Boxed-In 

Spring of Life

Dry Riser 

Waveform 

Direction of Flow 

Confrontation 

Berry Berry 

Fall 

That’s all for now. Will post some in-camp life next week. It’s not really that interesting but ya, when you’re simply waiting for the course to end each day kinda gets rather stale after awhile.

Tracom Day

Boy did it feel good to be shooting some event photos again after a long time! Took the time to relax and make some easy shots as well as shots of my navy pals. Will be getting a photo pass for camp next week so am looking forward to recording some of my camp life on the blog. No classified stuff of course, so you basically won’t be seeing anything of the base. Doesn’t matter though, I’m more interested in my mates than the base. The 28-80L did come in really useful today and I’m really not keen to sell it but I do after all need the darn MF switch for my landscape work so I don’t really have much choice. Maybe I should repair it, hmm.

Anyway, here’s the photos from my day at Tracom day(machiam off day) ->Many cute kids!

Tracom 13th Anniversary 

Bottle Tree Park itself. Kind of a nice place for a portrait shoot I think. Gotta do one sometime here.

Marcus and a Kid

From left: Jun Hui, Shawn, Say Kang and SSG Linda(APV/PV class’ Course Comm)

DS Kid

Snacking

Going Bananas

Roar

Chan Chilling out

Guppy Catching

Catch of the Day

Lost Catch

My SI reliving childhood

Head NPDD and son

And the cutest kid i saw today

Another of her

4G Soldier

MSG Pang and Daughter

Ching Ching having a bite afterwards

I also made this abstract as part of one of the game’s requirements. Like it quite a bit so posting it here as well.

That’s all for now. Really tired cos it’s 3am so going to bed! Will post again soon.

Sungei Road

Visited Sungei Road with KJ today for a street shoot, whom I probably won’t be seeing anymore once he gets posted to Tuas. He did say that he would be attempting to get himself OOCed so I might still be seeing him at Changi in the end. Woohoo, my course ends in 3 weeks btw. Then comes OJT of course but I’ll take things a step at the time. My street skills have gone South since I last used them but I did try my best. Have some shots to share, nothing really spectacular, though some are decent.

Sungei Road

There was tons of stuff in the place, from pirated porno DVDs, to tee-shirts, to occult material, drawing a bustling throng of people with whom KJ and I jostled with to just get through the place. I found most of the stuff junk mainly, but it was an interesting experience nonetheless.

Tee-Shirts

Spawn – The Store Owner insisted it was an incarnation of the devil, I told him it looked like the Death Clown from the Spawn comics, much to his displeasure.

Barry lives (ok he’s not exactly dead but no one really listens anymore)

Pirated Porno

Inspection 

Clock Repair 

Glasses (Probably wouldn’t help your eyesight much)

Buddha Brudders 

And horror of horrors, A Goat Head! (which seemed to stare accusingly at me despite it’s lack of a body)

We then proceeded to Bugis st for a drink, where I shot a couple more images

Dreamland for Trishawman 

And stumbled across this Ting Ting Man, whom you rarely see nowadays

Marina South and NUS Rag Day

Spent only about half an hour at the rag day since the rest insisted it was too hot and I wasn’t about to stay there myself so only got a smattering of photos. It was fun doing events like that again where the colour was simply bursting from everyone but I guess I’ll be doing lots and lots of those in uni so I don’t mind passing on just one event.

The shoot with Cho later was quite a flop, but I hope he learned some useful tips at least about evening photography. I can’t seem to find the place on Marina South where so many couples like shooting their wedding photographs, the Lalang area. It’s a well-guarded secret, so can’t really find it. I think will probably shoot other localities for the moment until I can pinpoint the exact location to avoid botched shoots like today again.

What we did find in the absence of good shooting was a wonderful place to bring your girl/boy friend for dinner or just a walk. The place is remote but beautiful. Be sure to drive.

And some Rag day photos from the short time spent there, bit too tired after a massive long day to label them so ya.